It's crazy how much can change in a year. Not just where I am, but who I am, how I see the world, and how the world sees me. I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately, trying to use my past to figure out what I want to do with the next 5 years of my life. I've come to realize that my experiences may have made me who I am, but they don't have to decide who I will become. Things I might have enjoyed one year ago may not effect me in the same way today. And the opposite rings true too, things that hurt me a year ago may not sting the same way now. Life has to make at least a little bit of sense (right?!), so I feel that the cards were dealt this way for a reason. Not trying to get all fate and destiny obsessed, but there has to be some logical explanation for the timing of things, for the way that life can change.
Maybe a year ago I wasn't ready to open my eyes yet. One year ago I was packing up my little one-bedroom apartment in Burlington, a recent UVM grad, an aimless 22-year-old. I was preparing for the next chapter. I thought I would be back in Portsmouth for 6 months at most. I found myself clinging onto tiny arbitrary things, and maybe clinging onto people I should've let go. I didn't want to move on from the little safe and comfortable life I had created in Vermont. One year later, I'm still, much to my surprise, in Portsmouth. Though I'm freer now. I feel like my skin finally fits. I'm no longer in a tug-of-war with myself. Do I know what I want to do with the rest of my life, god no, but do I feel like I'm in a place to start making those choices, (probably) yes.
Life has a funny way of revealing itself, and I'm starting to peel back the layers; starting to unearth myself.
