On Going "Home"

There is something special about returning to the roost after months away.  Getting to relive your old routines, seeing friendly faces, being able to sink back into your comfort zone… The list goes on.  I've experienced this feeling several times now, whether it was returning from college, my study abroad to Barcelona, or my more recent 2013 Euro-trip. This time has felt different though, because it is all so t e m p o r a r y.  Yeah, I got a long two weeks of friends, family, and various people from my past, but I've had to physically hold myself back from acclimating to my life in the US.  I've been straining myself to not become too comfortable, because I've known that I am going back to Madrid in a short matter of time, and for much longer this go around.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Madrid, but it doesn't have the same qualities of the home I've known for so many years.  I'm sure that given enough time, it would blossom into the homey place I've been craving, but for the time being, it still feels kinda foreign.

So here I am, 5 hours from leaving for the airport, and I feel uneasy.  Not because I'm unhappy about going back to Madrid or that I feel I have more to accomplish in NH, but because I don't know how I feel about abandoning this "homey" feeling. I know all the sayings, "life begins at the end of your comfort zone," yadda yadda yadda.  I get it.  If you're not willing to let yourself feel uneasy, you'll never grow, but being too uneasy can be stunting too.

A lot has changed since I returned home almost two weeks ago.  I celebrated Christmas (among other things…) with my family, I rang in a new year with old friends, I reconnected with my college sweetheart (under circumstances that I wish could have been better), and I gave endless hugs that probably lasted too long to people I have grown to love over the past several years.  This time tomorrow I'll be back in Madrid with my hodge-podge of a Spanish family planning what we will take on over the next 6 months.  I'll be breaking the news that my plan has changed and I will only be spending one year abroad, instead of the two (or infinity) I had previously thought about.  I'll get back into the classroom with the students that I've grown so fond of over the past few months. And hopefully, I'll be starting to become proficient in god damn Spanish. 

I know that once I get back to Spain I'll remember how much I missed it, and I'll settle into my groove of working and exploring.  I know that spending the next 6 months wandering through Europe will be freeing and will open my eyes to the beauties of the world, but I can't deny that I won't miss my little po-dunk town in good ol' New Hampshire.  Sure, New Hampshire isn't home to centuries old impressionist artists, the blue city blocks of Chefchaouen, or the natural springs of Budapest, but it has some of the best people I've even known, and for me, thats all I'll ever need.